WASHINGTON—Calling the legislation “long overdue,” the U.S. Senate passed a bill Wednesday wishing younger generations the best of luck stopping climate change. “As devastating wildfires, flooding, and droughts sweep our planet, there has never been a more urgent time to shift the responsibility onto someone else,” said Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, who explained that the bill, called the SEE YA Act, or Saving the Earth Entrusted to Young Americans Act, would allocate over $100 billion toward putting up billboards across the country that read “Good luck!” with pictures of melting glaciers.
“We cannot allow future generations to inherit this mess without at least saying ‘you got this’ and giving them a hearty pat on the back. It is crucial that we dedicate significant resources to these well wishes. We know they have their work cut out for them, which is why every American under 18 will also receive a personalized signed photo of their representatives dusting off their hands and grimacing.” At press time, President Joe Biden had vetoed the bill on the grounds it would be viewed as too radical.